There is substantial clinical evidence that TFP principles can be valuable in psychoanalytic work with couples. The main argument is that TFP was initially developed from experience with borderline patients, whose symptoms manifest in interpersonal difficulties—particularly problems with intimacy and romantic relationships.
The pioneer of psychoanalytic couple therapy, Henry Dicks (1967), noted that couples’ conflicts are based on mutual projective identification. Since projective identification functions both as an intrapsychic (Klein, 1946) and an interpersonal (Bion, 1959) form of communication, TFP principles can aid not only in understanding dyadic interactions between the therapist and the individual but also in structuring what unfolds between the therapist and the couple, as well as within the couple itself.
Each partner brings their own personality structure into the relationship, shaped by internalized early interpersonal experiences. Partners inevitably project aspects of their internalized objects onto their mates, leading to patterns of idealization (projecting good parts), devaluation (projecting bad parts), or the repetition of other unresolved conflicts. Another perspective on these mutual projective processes is that they reflect the activation of a conflicting dyad (Clarkin, Yeomans, & Kernberg, 2006), which is then unconsciously shared by both partners in a dynamic of collusion (Laing, 1961; Dicks, 1967). So, the couple dynamic can be viewed as a stage upon which early attachment anxieties and defenses are re-enacted. However, object relations theory suggests that couple relationships not only serve as reenactments of past object ties but also create a potential space for reparative emotional experiences, paralleling the development of integrative capacities in personality maturation (Kernberg, 2024).
The specific object relations couple theory developed by David and Jill Scharff (1991) emphasizes the therapeutic disentanglement of mutual projective cycles in couple therapy. By fostering insight into unconscious individual needs and how they interact between partners, the therapeutic process gradually enables clarification, differentiation, and the containment of these differences within the relationship. This fosters greater emotional autonomy and mutual recognition of needs on both sides.
As we know from TFP, a central focus of any transformative therapeutic endeavor is the exploration of aggressive object-relation dyads. Acknowledging one’s aggressive and destructive fantasies during interactions is a necessary precondition for activating reparative cycles of interaction in therapy. This process allows for the emergence of depressive anxiety, concern for the object, and guilt, which serve as transitional stages toward reparation, gratitude, and forgiveness (Segal, 1988; Kernberg, 2011; Kapusta et al., 2018)—elements often absent in dysfunctional relationships.
Kernberg describes the “capacity to love” as a developmental achievement closely linked to personality development, emphasizing the need to integrate sexual desire and idealization with frustration and aggression (Kernberg, 2011; Kapusta et al., 2018). The ability to regulate oneself along this spectrum of libidinal and aggressive impulses—while maintaining intact reality testing and monitoring the partner’s reactions—enables both partners to develop a mature and realistic recognition of each other. When present in both individuals, this capacity facilitates an authentic reciprocal relationship.
However, in couples with borderline or narcissistic personality structures, there is often difficulty integrating positive and negative aspects of both self and partner. This challenge manifests in repetitive cycles of idealization and devaluation, sometimes escalating into mutual accusations and rapidly shifting roles. Such cycles are often characterized by deep regressive dynamics, where partners unconsciously attempt to resolve unmet developmental needs through one another (Stern, 2024), potentially leading to symbiotic fusion, sadomasochistic interactions, or perverse dynamics within the paranoid-schizoid position (Kernberg, 1991). Narcissistic dynamics in couples may also manifest as mutual exploitation, where one or both partners use the relationship to bolster self-esteem rather than engaging in genuine intimacy and tenderness.
From a TFP perspective, we emphasize the importance of helping couples recognize and work through these unconscious projections, defensive structures, and activated dyads with tact and precision. In this regard, TFP theory provides a framework for understanding how internal personality structures shape the interpersonal dynamics of couple therapy.
Although Dicks (1967) suggested viewing couples as having a “joint personality,” a precise understanding of how two individual personality structures organize into such a “joint couple personality” is still evolving. Drawing from the vast clinical experience accumulated through TFP, we are convinced that recognizing the structural aspects of personality is a crucial advancement in psychoanalytic couple therapy.
The TFP for Couples (TFP-C) Working Group is preparing a TFP-C curriculum set to launch in 2026. If you are interested, we warmly welcome you to join us.
Dr. Barry L. Stern (New York) and Dr. Nestor D. Kapusta (Vienna)
Literature
Bion, W. R. (1959) Attacks on Linking. International Journal of Psychoanalysis 40:308-315.
Clarkin JF, Yeomans F, Kernberg OF. 2006. Psychotherapy for Borderline Personality. Focusing on Object Relations. American Psychiatric Publishing, Inc., Washington DC.
Dicks, HV. 1967. Marital Tensions: Clinical Studies towards a Psycho-Analytic Theory of Interaction. Maresfield Library, London.
Kapusta ND, Jankowski KS, Wolf V, et al. 2018. Measuring the Capacity to Love: Development of the CTL-Inventory. Front Psychol. 9:1115. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01115
Kernberg OF. 2011. Limitations to the capacity to love. Int J Psychoanal. 2011;92(6):1501-1515.
Kernberg, OF. 1991. Sadomasochism, Sexual Excitement, and Perversion. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 39:333-362.
Kernberg, OF. 2024. Psychoanalytic Object Relations Theory Revised: Affect Systems and the Notion of Drives. International Journal of Psychoanalysis 105:790-803.
Klein, M. 1946. Notes on Some Schizoid Mechanisms. International Journal of Psychoanalysis 27:99-110.
Laing RD. 1961. The Self and Others. Tavistock Publications Limited, London.
Scharff DE and Scharff JS. 1991. Object Relations Couple Therapy. Jason Aronson, Northvale, NJ.
Segal H. 1988. Introduction to the Work of Melanie Klein. Hogarth Press [for] the Institute of Psycho-Analysis, Karnac Classics, Maresfield Library, London.
Stern BL. 2024. The “Fact of the Matter”: A Model for Working with Activated Internal Object Relations in Psychodynamic Couple Therapy. J Am Psychoanal Assoc. Published online. doi:10.1177/00030651241257525
This page posted August 2025.